Monday, November 12, 2012

Cracking me UP!

Looking back through my Facebook status posts I realized that there are some hilarious things I'm afraid I will forget. I am going to try to keep up with these things on this blog so I have a record of them. The child is hilarious and cracks me up at least daily! Here are some highlights from 2011-2012

September 17th, 2011
While saying prayers with Sophie, she stopped me and said "no, Sophie first" then started her prayer with "once a time" (her version of once upon a time). Maybe we need to lay off the Disney books...

October 20th, 2011
Me: Sophie do you want ketchup with your fries? Sophie: Nope. Me: What are you? A communist? Sophie: No mommy, I'm a princess.

November 18th, 2011
Me: Sophie, you cannot walk out to the car in a crabwalk. Sophie: Why not mommy? Me: Because when you get to the stairs it will look like the exorcist. Sophie: Can I walk like a penguin instead? Me: Only if it is a fast one.

December 3rd, 2011
I put Sophie in the car to go Christmas shopping and then I hear...Sophie: mommy stop! Me: What's wrong Sophie? Sophie:No mommy. It's Soph-y-ya and I forgot my purse. I stand corrected...but I'm not sure there is a store that accepts plastic quarters.

December 3rd, 2011
Sophie: Where are we going next mommy? Me: Home. Are you ready to go home? Sophie: No go home mommy. Me: Well, where do you want to go? Sophie: Best Buy. GREAT...I live with two of them.

December 12th, 2011
Sophie told Buddy (the elf) that he needed to tell Santa that she bonked her head so he will bring her bandaids for Christmas. That is just pitiful.

December 15th, 2011
Sophie: MOOMMMEEE! I have a boo-boo! Me: Where? Sophie: i fall down..(pointing to a small rug burn) i need to go to the doctor! Me: Okay drama queen simmer down. I think you will be okay. Sophie: (totally indignant) Mommy, i not a queen...I am a princess. Me: Sweetie, when it comes to are the queen.

January 15th, 2012
Leaving the house today...Sophie: Bye bye Daddy! Me: Sweetie, daddy isn't home...he had to go to work remember? Sophie: At Best Buy? Me: No sweetie Daddy has to go to work so he can GO to Best Buy...but he doesn't actually work there. Sophie: I sorry mommy. Me: So is he baby, so is he.

January 16th, 2012
Sophie: Where are you going momma? Me: I have to go to work today. Sophie: Why? Me: So we can buy food, pay bills, have a car...Sophie: And jelly beans? Me: That's right baby, momma works for jelly beans.

January 21st, 2012
Me: Sophie, you have to wait until after dinner to put on your costume. Sophie: Why? Josie (my 4 year old niece): Because you will get it dirty if you wear it while you eat pizza. Me: Thank you Josie! Josie: My mommy told me that i have to answer all of Sophie's "why" questions. Adam and Me in unison: How long can you stay?

January 22nd, 2012
Last night Sophie was having trouble sharing her snack trap. I went to get another one for Josie. Adam: "What is going on up there?" Me: "Your daughter is being terrible." Josie (my niece ie:Wendy's daughter): "But Wendy's daughter is being wonderful!" Me: "And modest."

January 26th, 2012
Sophie: Mommy, I need a snack. Me: You don't need a snack, you just ate some Skittles. Sophie: That not a snack, that a present. Me: Good point.

January 27th, 2012
Sophie just came out of her room crying hysterically and holding her finger. When I asked her what happened, she said that Zoe (the dog) bit her finger. Zoe is sound asleep under my desk by my feet. Hmm...Sophie lies almost as well as her mommy.

February 3rd, 2012
Sophie: Sophie is a princess, mommy you are a queen. Me: What is daddy? Sophie: Daddy is in big trouble. Me: So true Sophie Bean, so true.

February 4th, 2012
Sophie was up until 2, then up again at 8. She is currently running around like she has been smoking crack...I, on the other hand, feel like I took Nyquil. She just asked me for some coffee (no, we don't let her have it). I predict this ends badly.

February 20th, 2012
Sophie in the backseat of the car consumes 3/4 of a cereal bar and hands it to me. SOphie: I'm done. Me: Seriously Sophie? You couldn't finish the last two bites? Sophie: No, I'm done. I proceed to throw the last bites out the window, Me: well I guess the birds can eat it. Sophie: I want some more mommy. Me: Of course you do.

February 29th, 2012
"Na nana a boo boo" Sophie style..."I go to poopoo." Brilliant.

March 8th, 2012
Last night while putting Sophie to bed she insisted on wearing her fluffy robe. I was afraid she would get hot so I asked her if she was sure...she said yes and reached into the pocket and pulled out a handful of caramel popcorn. Smart girl.

March 19th, 2012
Me: Sophie, seriously...if you ask why one more time I am going to cry. Sophie: (singing) Why, whywhywhywhhhhyyyyy why whyyyyy. Me: Well, that backfired. Sophie: Why?

March 26th, 2012
Mystery solved...Sophie came downstairs this morning with an M&M stuck in her hair, I had no idea where it came from. Tonight after I put her to bed I heard her talking and went to check on her...she was in bed eating M&Ms that she had stashed in her purse.

March 29th, 2012
Me: Sophie, would you like chocolate milk for breakfast? Sophie: No mommy. Me: Really? Do you want white milk? Sophie: No mommy. Me: Okay, well what would you like to drink? Sophie: Ummm...I want milk. Me: White or chocolate? Sophie: Chocolate. Me: Is it any wonder why I am losing my mind? Sophie: Why mommy?

March 30th, 2012
Me: Hey Soph, Mule Days are this weekend, you want to go? Sophie: What's that? Me: Well it involves mules, people shopping for junk, and huge pork chops. Then everyone drinks too much and ends up in the ER Sophie: There are horsies and shopping? Me: Well...sort of. Sophie: Let's do it!

April 5th, 2012
Sophie has starting calling everyone "Honey". This includes waiters, the mailman, check out people, the greeter at Costco, etc. No one was more surprised than the valet who brought our car to us after speech therapy when Sophie said "Thank you Honey" and handed him our ticket. I think she made his day...she certainly made mine.

April 11th, 2012
Last night I was getting ready for bed. I came into the den on my PJs and Sophie said to me..."Mommy, you are hubba hubba."

April 12th, 2012
Sophie woke up this morning, looked me square in the face, and with a dead serious tone said to me "Mommy...the doctor said, no more monkey jump on the bed."

April 15th, 2012
My kid is quite possibly the worst hide N seek player ever. She asks you to count and then stands right next to you. Once you say "ready or not here I come" she starts running around yelling "come find me mommy", opens the cabinet door and sticks her head inside.

May 5th, 2012
I stepped out of the shower this morning and Sophie was standing by my sink, elbow on the counter, swinging her hair and looking at herself in the mirror...she said "What's your name mommy?" In a sleazy guy at the bar kind of way. I think she tried to pick me up.

May 17th, 2012
Sophie: Why is it Marisa's birthday? Me: Because today is the day she was born. Sophie: What is born mean? Me: Well, it is the day she came out of her mommy's belly. Sophie: For cupcakes? Me: Yes baby, most people are born just for cupcakes.

May 24th, 2012
Sophie was jumping all around and acting like a fool at a restaurant. Me: Listen sister, you need to sit down, in your chair, on your bottom. Sophie: Mommy, I not your sister. Me: Point taken.

June 5th, 2012
It has taken a few years, but Sophie is in love with "Chicky Moo" (the Chick Fil A cow)...unfortunately she has to share. As he was wandering away she yelled "no go anywhere Chicky Moo, I am right here!"

June 8th, 2012
Sophie asked for "blue muffins" (blueberry muffins) for breakfast. I made her some from scratch with fresh blueberries and streusel. She sat down at the table and asked..."what's the blue stuff in my toast?"

June 16th, 2012
Sophie: Mama, I want to read a book. Me: Okay, pick one out and I will read it to you. Sophie: NO Mama, I want to read it all by myself!! Me: Okay do it. Long pause.....Sophie: Mama, I can't read. Me: I thought that might be a problem.

July 12th, 2012
Sophie: Mama, I wanna talk to God. Me: That's great sweetie, I know he woud love to hear from you. Sophie: God, hi, I'm Sophie, I'm 5. Me: God knows how old you are Bean, he made you. Sophie: Made me? Like a cake? Me: Exactly, only he made you with extra frosting.

July 23rd, 2012
Adam: Sophie, I miss you already, I love you so much. 
Sophie: Mommy, make daddy stop talking.
Katie: Sophie, that's not very nice...daddy is telling you how much he loves you. 
Adam: Yeah Sophie, that hurts my feelings. 
Sophie: (pointing to Adam) Cry. 
That child is hardcore and I cannot imagine where she gets it.

July 27th, 2012
While vacuuming with my new cordless vacuum Sophie took it away from me and won't give it back. Now I'm sitting on the couch while she vacuums. I could get used to this.

July 31st, 2012
Sophie: Mama, I want a snack. Me: No sweetie, we are going to have lunch. Sophie: I not hungry. Me: That sounds about right.

August 23rd, 2012
I told Sophie to put her clothes on this morning and was thrilled when she did it all by herself...then realized she had on two pairs of panties and put her dress on over her nightgown. I guess I need to be more specific.

August 24th, 2012
Sophie has a babydoll, Molly, that asks for food. She fed her and Molly said "more please" she fed her more and Molly said "I'm thirsty", she gave her juice and more food. Then Molly said "thirsty, juice please" and "I'm hungry mommy" and Sophie said "Hey, I have an idea! Molly, you take a nap." Welcome to motherhood Sophie.

September 4th, 2012
Tonight at bedtime Sophie told me that her baby sister is in the hospital and needs a haircut. So...if anyone knows of a particularly hairy baby girl that needs a home...I think she is supposed to be here.

September 7th, 2012
I took Sophie to the mall this evening. We ate at the food court and Sophie didn't finish her milk so I put it in my purse. We were in a store and Sophie said she was thirsty so I gave her the milk. The next thing I hear is the sound of milk pouring out. I panic a bit and turn around to find her pouring her milk into a cup that was for sale in the store. Of course there were witnesses and I just said..."yeah, that just happened". The worst part of the story is that it happened to be a Univ of Michigan I couldn't even buy it. The child is crazy.

September 30th, 2012
Josie taught Sophie to "Zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket." Sophie's version is "Quiet mouth, hands in pockets, color in the lines." There are just too many rules in life.

October 9th, 2012
Sophie: MOMMM...Zoe ate my lunch! Me: Well how did she get your lunch off the table. Sophie: I gave it to her. Me: Then why are you yelling at her about it? Sophie: Because she ate it.  Me: Glad we cleared that up.

October 30th, 2012
On the way home today Sophie kept saying "look mommy it's a hawky tawky." I turned around and she was talking into a mashed up juice box with the straw as her antenna. 

November 12th, 2012
Sophie is all about hide and seek. Yesterday I was working on my computer and I saw her sneak into the pantry and very quietly close the doors. Playing along I said "Where is Sophie? I wonder if she went upstairs? Or maybe she's in the bedroom". She couldn't stand it and from inside the pantry I heard her sweet little voice say "maybe in the snack closet?"